I've been holding it together pretty well and today I just keep spontaneously sobbing, I feel like I'm falling apart. I guess that's what grief is though, right?
I took Ishmael to a new vet yesterday. I liked him right away, he has a great down to earth, no nonsense kind of personality. He's a self-professed cat-kook. Obviously not in it for the money, he's a good guy. Taking him there was one of my better decisions. Tacoma Cat Hospital: http://www.tacomacat.com/ He thought there was a chance this was one really nasty asthma attack, or lung cancer but the the treatment is the same for both, steroid shot. He did monitor his heart with a neonatal machine and that checked out fine. I didn't have the x-rays for him, I should have picked them up but I wasn't that together. It does sound like Ishmael has asthma! I've told vets before about his coughing fits, usually with no hairballs and no one seemed concerned or interested. I watched a video of a cat having an asthma attack and I was sickened because that is totally him, I had no idea. Any way, I diverge. So the steroid shot was to help his breathing. He figured if his breathing slows down and he starts eating (or is able to eat because when a cat is breathing like that it's impossible to eat) and if he stays better, asthma attack but if he improves a little and then deteriorates, cancer. So, finally something! And it only cost $60, as opposed to over $1,000 I spent for nothing much.
Last night I gave him some more fluids to help him feel better but this morning he seemed pretty much the same, listless. In fact he stayed on the chair he'd been sleeping on even though the kids were up. He usually will run away when they get up. His breathing didn't seem to calm down much but he seemed fairly content, not distressed or in pain, so that's something.
I called the old vet and asked to pick up his x-rays, they didn't give me a problem except to "remind" me that they are property of the clinic and they need to be returned. Oh, I'm sorry, didn't I PAY for those, quite a lot actually. Any way, I was nice to them, whatever, just give them to me. I dropped them off at the Cat Hospital and then took the kids to the mall. I guess for a little retail therapy. I'm such a girl sometimes! Any way, it was a good distraction. He called while the kids were in the play area and said he didn't really understand why the x-rays were so hard to read. It seems pretty clear to him that his lungs are filled with tumors. So there you go. Lung cancer. Now, why on earth couldn't the other vet figured this out weeks ago? You just have to wonder if it's their policy to prolong things to milk more cash out of people. Very unethical if you ask me. Poor Ish. So now I wait and see if he starts eating with the steroids, if not I have to decide when to... " let him go". Solomon doesn't understand why I'm so teary, so I sat and had a talk with him and he said we can "make Ismael feel better and do something so he won't die". Sometimes Sollie there's nothing you can do except say good-bye.
Now I have to go fall apart again, or maybe I'll try on my new jeans.
And then fall apart.
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