Grief

Grief and sadness seem to be everywhere this week. We buried Ishmael in the backyard last night, in his favorite spot by the side of the house. Right before I took him to the vet I picked him up from that spot. We lit three candles by his grave side, one for Ishy and the other two were for two friends and their families and all they are going through.
Grief has been hitting me in waves today, I'll be o.kay for awhile and then it will come crashing in again. And the sadness hits. You don't expect it to feel this bad, it was "just a cat" right? But love is love... is love is love... it doesn't know it was "just a cat".
The house is a mess, I have no energy to deal with it and Jon has been slammed with work stuff. He just had a call he had to deal with as we were trying to get the kids to bed.
I know it will get better with time, I just miss him so much right now, it's so hard.
I'm going to go and knit for awhile and try not to think about my sweet cat. I just hope I did everything I could and it really was the right decision to make. It just really sucks. When I had to do that with Morrissey I had really hoped that I would never do that again. And here I am. Jon says, you know if you ever get another cat again, you're just setting yourself up. He's right but I'll probably set myself up again. After all, a house just isn't a home without cats.